This was dictated to Mimi Shore on February 21, 1973, as Rudi, Mimi, Stuart Perrin, and Beau Buchanan were flying in a small Cessna airplane when they hit the mountaintops above North Lake, NY. These words were literally Rudi’s last, ending mid-sentence with “a deeper sense of surrender…”
Today had been a particularly exhausting day, which in every way I have been patterned for, the last two weeks. I knew I was going through a transition but could not quite determine the nature and the way in which it would carry me.
I am now en route to Glen Falls in a small plane to teach a class in Ft. Miller, New York. The commune there is called ZBS Media. It is a good way to travel as it is six hours by car and only one and a half hours by plane.
I have been sitting for at least seven or eight hours today letting negative psychic tensions flow through my fingers which it seems to do increasingly.
After being in the air about an hour I began to feel an opening in my heart which helped to pump out these tensions. I was thinking about and feeling the love of the many people to whom I am attached. It seemed a small price to have to assimilate that love consciously which was changing my chemistry and my level of being.
I seemed to doze for just a moment or two and could see the faces of several of the people whom I love deepest. A great warmth opened in my heart and I felt positive energy move down from my brain to my heart and my sex organs. It immediately clarified the reason for this amount of outflow of these negative psychic tensions. It was my system making room for the transfer of this finer energy and removing the heavier energy which previously occupied those areas between my heart and my sex organs.
Although it is just a few minutes since this experience took place, I feel refreshed and renewed and once again strong. It is exciting to look forward to the way this event, expresses itself as all of these changes have the capacity to reflect a higher creativity. It is not within my mind to try to guess but I am deeply looking forward to teaching the class tonight.
It has always been a great strength for me to be able to do a simple exercise for a long period of time, allowing it to go deeper and deeper. All basic work has the foundation of spirituality. Improvisation is not a substitute for discipline. It is continually the inability of students or teachers to do what is given them that brings about problems. They wander through the basic exercises not having the ability to sustain any very simply. This allows a strong foundation that supports the whole. It is always the ability to maintain strong basic disciplines and exercises as they have the ability to nourish and sustain that which has risen from them. It is always easier to feed our system from the same source by deepening and lengthening the amount of time of an exercise. These basic principles are reflected in our attitude towards the people we respect and love. They give more freedom as tensions are relaxed and a constant barometer of our growth.
Involved and dramatic methods allow us to lose in their elaborate nature the basic responsibilities and discipline from which we receive our strength. It is the ability to check ourselves by our deviation from our constant that not only guides us but perpetuates the line of energy which makes for plasticity as well as an extraordinarily deep strength.
I am leaving for Europe this weekend to begin a deeper commitment towards my European Ashrams. Most of the teachers in the United States were brought to New York for additional work and strengthening of existing connections. I feel this exemplifies the above principles. I do not wish to exchange my loyalties in this country for loyalties in another. It is easy to look to the glamour of a foreign culture as a means to expansion. The success that our spiritual work has will be based on the depth and growth and love and reality between myself and those with whom I have committed my life. From that the integrity to our European Ashrams and brothers and sisters will grow. It is the investment of those people who have been with me that allows me to consciously deepen and expand that which exists. It is not the neurotic need to go off into the glamour of other areas and countries. It is differences. I feel I need I need to strengthen and simplify my relationships with all of the close teachers that I have before I leave. It is always a principle of growth that simplification conserves energy and allows it to rise to a higher level. I do not wish to see the expression that will take in Europe as anything except the rising of a total spirituality that reflects the maturity of my surrender to God and the understanding that is the removal of tensions within myself through his energy that allows the expansion and only through my being an instrument through which this force can flow. It has nothing to do with me except my abilities to surrender myself. I am deeply grateful for this opportunity and feel the last year of my life preparing me for the understanding that expanded consciousness can only come through expended nothingness. This has to do with the ability to surrender the tensions that bind and restrict our physical mechanism from expressing the power of creation. This is God flowing through us and showing us how we are connected to him. It is the expression of higher creative will and a deeper sense of surrender ….