“My God, how can it be that way?”

Rudi writes: I would rather really break down my chemistry as something there gets freed much deeper inside. And it has to do with this capacity of surrendering deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and then by the nourishment that you take you attract something creative, something from God that gives you the capacity to say, “I can now do this.”

I never would have dared work with somebody who was physically ill without poisoning myself. So it is always taking and internalizing and expanding the amount you can internalize by drawing energy from every situation. And then you see a situation, something comes into your life and you look at it and you say, “My God, how can it be that way?” And you really understand that it is your will that has to be broken because you wanted it to be this other way, as if it should come in a white package with a blue ribbon. And what you see instead is that somebody has dropped a rock on your head. So you say well, that is the package. It is not the way you thought. It isn’t the way you would like to receive it. But it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with creatively accepting the change of energy, the change of pattern, the change of everything. And that has to do with having guts, having real courage to accept the way it is, not the way you want it.

I was looking for a big energy situation. I would have loved for somebody to come up in a limousine 2 blocks long and sweep me away to some great mansion on 75th street. Instead a frail woman came in with cancer. And cancer was the whole thing of a depth of energy. So the symbolism, the capacity to understand is never the obvious of what we would like to think we want, or what we would like to think can be. It is what is. You have to learn to accept what is in your life and extract from that the energy so that you can grow and free yourself. And we always have this kind of hubris, who it should look like and what it should be and what it should talk like and what it should say and this is ridiculous. It is really being realistic, taking the quantity that is available, eating it, digesting it, extracting from it and growing from it and then this quantity will change because you are no longer on the same level. And it is having a very real existence because you are not living a fantasy, you are not living a dream, you really are taking from what life is offering you.

And life is the teacher, life is God. It is creative energy, it is all around you. Every human being, every bit of weather, every situation that comes is within itself the content and the reflection of where you are. We all react differently. We all are different with every situation that takes place. It is really your barometer. It is trying to show you that you don’t react right, that you don’t feel this and you don’t feel that and we all take it as an enemy. And it is not an enemy. It is a mirror being held up to show you where you are, how you are, what you feel, what you don’t feel. And you find yourself becoming detached and then you want to feel hot flashes. It is incongruous. You have to really go along and grow as a situation opens and shows itself. And it is to do it with the greatest depth.